First of all, calm down. Whoever you are, for whatever reason you’re reading this right now, just chill. This isn’t a sexist dialogue, I’m not a meninist (lower case intended) nor am I a misogynist in any form. I love women, some of the best people I know are women, my wife is a woman (I’m pretty sure).
I’m a man. Well a man with the mind of a boy anyway. And no, we’re not all alike. I know stereotypes are a bit of fun not really to be taken seriously, and yes sometimes they happen to ring true but I feel like I need to set the record straight about some things. Some men are immature, preferring to spend more time away from their loved ones rather than spend time with them. Some men are ‘more manly’ than others, men who love cars, bodybuilding, physical labour and the like. Some men, prefer to sit and read, play video games for a living. Some men prefer to create, great works of art in song and paint, some men prefer to write beautiful poetry. Everyone is different, regardless of gender, race or station. That’s fine. Just like there’s no universal template for a ‘normal woman’, there’s no universal template for a ‘normal man’.
This book is written from a bias point of view, I’m not what most people would call an ‘average man’. I’m not too keen on cars, as long as it moves that’s all I need. I love a bit of DIY, but I know nothing about plumbing or electrics. I don’t like football, or any sport for that matter. I’m not the fittest of guys, nor the most ‘masculine’ looking. I have trouble growing facial hair. I don’t like beer, nor going out and getting drunk. I’ve never been one to ‘shag about’, I’ve had 3 sexual partners in my life, 2 of which were in long-term relationships, and I’m proud of how low that number is. I’ve always preferred a good relationship to many one-night conquests. I like to cook, I love to bake, I love my dog, I hug my dad, I’m not afraid of my emotions and, honestly, I quite enjoy doing the dishes and hoovering.
In this pointless book, I’ll try to cover as many things as possible that goes on in the life of a man, how to transition from a boy into a man and how to deal with these problems as they arise. There will be many an anecdote and inevitably many, many references to my wonderful wife.
My name is Alex Ahmed, I’m 24 as I write this, and I’m a man.